As I type this, I'm about 9 percent into my 2000 mile mark. At times its tough to find the free time to rack the miles up. No matter what, I'm satisfied with the current progress. Along with keeping the training rides "local" to ensure personal safety and comfortability. I do however acknowledge the benefit of taking new unseen routes and new dead-end type roads.
Got invited to a hike in Lapush territory, I accepted.
I don't have the will to do anything right now. I've always let people close to me maintain the ability to take the wind from my sails
I'm contemplating it all. Quitting the factory job....selling everything for pennies....living off of the pennies until doom takes over.
Wasted energy is draining. More so then energy applied to a "thing"...anything...long as the energy connects. For now, I can't say that anything has connected. It's infuriating and promotes suicidal ideas.
This is always how you wanted me isn't it? Restless...inefficient...unforgiving to myself and others. A real depressed image of sorts.
I can't even bother to look in a mirror. I know what the face looks like, the after effect face of a human hanging by a thread. Waiting.
Waiting to go.
Go where? Go outta my mind. Go outta the city lines. Just go. I don't know for certain if movement heals. I just know that most humans get up and go when a problem arises. It's not like it's the easier thing to do either. Nothing beats the slow pain of enduring the steady irritation of metaphorical water torture, whatever it may be.
Repetition can teach and can also destroy.
Maybe if I wasn't so loved and missed then the exit would be easier. It's the love thing that makes it tough on the ones planning to leave. Just maybe "they" don't allow the guilt to creep in during the moment.
I can find peace in the moment of saying that I don't want to be here. It's empowering to know this. It's scary to see myself in this light too! I'm not a planner, so this really is a surprise. like watching your own reality show..watching...waiting....seeing where the sorry goes.
Today I was told by the women that she's been tired of this relationship and that she will just "endure it" till I get tired as well and decides to leave. If that's the case, I will now dedicate my energy elsewhere because I now have a legit reason to why she has given up on everything these last few years.
It makes me think that a lot of energy has been wasted living out here. In the same breath, I'm glad that I can say that the energy diddnt go completely unnoticed...as the two boys have been watching my efforts.
This is whopper of a day yall. Only I'm not scared to be called the bad guy this time. Over and out
It's been going on for weeks now. I simply could not stop thinking about the pineal gland. The subject of the gland began to pop up in my writing, along with multiple daydreams making it inescapable.
I had decided to actively decalcify the gland. I did not care that humans had been trained to ignore the gland altogether. I just wanted something that I can't put in words at the moment. There's no real purpose for letting you know this. I will be the one to benefit from my own writing, not you. BUT, if you do happen to benefit from my secrets. That's very good.
I sit here on the throne, looking for the best word to describe the 15 mile haul that I endured yesterday.
And I still haven't got a word quite yet. Took exactly 12 hrs from the time we left in the morning from the time we returned to the truck.
Upon reaching the top...this is all I could do
The lakes literally sat side by side with a small channel that connected the two. Very odd sight to see but equally fantastic. I'm still blown away by the endurance needed to compete this hike.
I brought my brother along for his "first" hike and he did wonderfully. Not even hesisitent to lead the pack, always on the forward motion. Helped us really.
We all had cigars. Later mixing them with bites of fair trade dark chocolate. Made for a nice draw.
Alongside the animals, you sometimes forget to stop and take it all in. We kept such a speedy pace, at times it was all a green blur.
So here it is, the day after the hike I was expecting to wake up feeling handicapped but I'm getting around fine. There's a little strains and pains but nothing comparable to what was felt during the mission. All in all, I'm healthier then Iead on to be.
The cycling has improved everything I do yall. Boom.
Just a quick one, I'm off to drink some morning coffee now.